Almost giving up...

[Mood] :{ (Can I scream from the top of my lungs?)

Almost losing it. I feel I'm almost losing it. The last 18 units from the university seem like the hardest. I'm totally losing it. God, I wish there was a way out of this mess. Work is so demanding, my whole family is breathing down my neck (I wish they knew the truth of how everyday seems to be so agonizing). Sometimes, I wish I could just leap out of the window from the 21st floor. That's something not everybody can experience. Yet, thankfully I still think it's so unglamorous to be disfigured inside your own coffin. hahaha, how can I afford to make such a remark. shit. I wish it were easier to balance this whole act. I'm almost losing it. My life is a mess. I'm in this state in my life that the only time I have which does not concern work or school is during gym in the morning. How pathetic is that?! And who loves gym anyway? If I can get a great body without going to the gym, I would, but alas, vanity has either a high price tag or takes so much effort and time. Time which I don't have. time which I could use to sleep. Sleep, yes sleep, I haven't had much of that. It seems my body yearns to sleep the day. get depressed again and forget the world. have I told you that sleeping too much causes depression? Trust me, I've been there. Somehow, beyond the good pay at work, there's just no justification for the shit I'm into. God, I'm losing it. I just wanna run away. I've had days where I wish I could run away from home. But I wouldn't want to break my family's heart. Fucking heart. i wish I felt less emotions. Why does life have to be so painfully shitty. Will life give me another chance? Somehow, I feel I've used up all my chances in life. God, have you given up on me?! Somehow makes me wonder if God ever did exist. For a while, I stopped from writing this entry when I asked if God truly existed. I guess I could never really blame the world from hating God. He never showed his face to us after all.




Though Chain: Even though I ask questions on God's existence, I still try to believe He's just right there reading my rants and raves as I publish this entry. I need a miracle right now. I need more time. Where's my life?